Certified Slow Things Made Faster

By Alex Johnson | October 12, 2025

It’s a well-established fact that a watched pot never boils, Kotakuite Neo Deus tells us.

“So I figured dafabet a solid racing stripe should solve the dilemma by making the water boil faster. Unfortunately, my initial math didn’t work out, as I soon learned that NEVER x FASTER = NEVER (still). This makes me a sad – mc888 and slow – chef.”

What’s going on? We’re giving away a copy of Xbox 360 game Race Pro.

Racing stripes make race cars go faster. Face it, they do. Just look at Race Pro’s box art. Here’s the contest: Put racing stripes on something – anything*!

Racing stripes on a phone? It goes faster. Racing stripes on a cat? It goes faster. Racing stripes on a mop? That’s right, it goes faster. On a lawn gnome?

Jedijoe9 writes, “Most things are too damn fast already. But not lawn gnomes.”

Entries must be 807 pixels wide and in JPEG format. There needs to be a Kotaku sign in the photo as well. Please send entries to kotakucontestATgmailDOTcom.

Winner gets a copy of Race Pro. Losers get INTERNET FAME. Contest ends this Sunday.

*Note: You actually riches888pg have to put stripes on something – Photoshop doesn’t count!

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