Fishing minigames are the worst minigames and I've waited too long to say it. Maybe I've regressed into an iPad child in my middle age but I can't stomach a day wasted fishing even in Stardew Valley without looking at my phone. It's a boring waste of time always pulling me away from more interesting activities.
Fishing rears its ugly head in all sorts of games, but it's become a plague for me personally now that it's stock standard for all of the many cozy game derivatives of Animal Crossing and Harvest Moon. If we were to rebrand the whole lot as "4F games," it would be a critical member: farming, foraging, fishing, and friendship. But one of those things is not like the others.
Fishing, uniquely among activities in the farmlife sim umbrella, forces me to stop playing the game. In a genre where time is the ultimate resource, fishing makes me waste it. Each day of Stardew Valley involves a lengthy checklist that I can never quite complete. I need to water crops, chop trees, say hello to the villagers, and remember to sell my goods, hopefully sliding into bed just before 2 am. But if I want any chance of completing the community center bundle to unlock my greenhouse before the first winter I need to spend time fishing, too.
But time fishing is spent, well, just fishing—and looking down at my phone while I wait to hook something. Every minute my bobber is in the water I feel antsy, like I should be doing ten other more important things. I don't resent it so much on rainy days when my crops get watered for free, but on a sunny summer afternoon I can't help watching the day tick away, imagining all the trees I could be cutting or friendship I could be earning if I weren't stuck with my feet planted at the edge of the river waiting to catch another pile of trash.
When that happens—catching things I don't even want—it only adds insult to injury. I plant carrot seeds and get carrots. [[link]] I buy cows and get milk. I cast my fishing line and I get… who the hell knows what? In most farmlife games you're meant to learn which fish spawn in different waters and conditions like catching salmon in the river only during the autumn. Even if you know your stuff though, you could just go home with a lot of seaweed and smallmouth bass instead.
It's realistic, I'll give it that. I don't even think I would want fishing to be more guaranteed to give me what I'm angling for. It sure does raise my blood pressure when I waste a whole afternoon without catching that one thing I still need to add to the community center, though.
Fishing continues to fail at hooking me because the pool of fishing minigames itself has stagnated. The most dominant style is Stardew derivative: press a button repeatedly to balance your fishing bar over the top of a moving fish. The slightly less popular stamina-based fishing minigame asks you to pull on your rod to exhaust a fish from fighting, though not so much you snap your line, and then reel it in while it rests. Others don't actually involve a minigame at all and you just need to press a particular button on cue when a fish bites your hook. I still don't know if I'm grateful to that style for reducing the demands fishing makes on me or if I resent it for making fishing feel even less engaging.
There are a few standouts among fishing minigames in the farmlife space. I do enjoy how Roots of Pacha turns fishing into a sort of stealth game where
I'm chasing a [[link]] fish with my bobber and trying not to alert it. The Garden Path also has a novel fish concept that involves whistling a tune and trying to navigate to the right pitch on a grid while you fish.
Fishing turns up in other genres, too, but even without the pressure of a life simulation's daily clock I just find myself checking out bored. Survival crafting games like Valheim include fishing, as do some MMOs like Final Fantasy 14. I can almost get behind fishing in an MMO where I already enjoy a bit of lounging in town chatting with friends. In that case, though, I don't really need the fishing as a watercooler activity excuse. Heck, fishing is even in some of the Yakuza games. I wouldn't know if it's any good though—I refuse to try it.
I accept that fishing is just a non-negotiable part of one of my favorite genres. It's a popular minigame, including with some of my PC Gamer colleagues, who were scandalized to discover my anti-fishing stance. But I'm not afraid to say it anymore: Fishing is the worst part of any game it's in. Except maybe fishing games, but even then it's borderline.